Bullying: part 1, how to define this behaviour

Bullying is a topic that has recently been in the news headlines.  The Education Review Office published a study in May this year based on evidence gathered from 136 primary, secondary and composite schools in terms 1 and 2 in 2018.  The results were sobering with high rates of bullying being reported.
It is key to have a clear and shared understanding of what we are calling bullying.  The bullying free NZ website, defines bullying as having four clearly identifiable factors:

• Bullying is deliberate - harming another person intentionally
• Bullying involves a misuse of power in a relationship
• Bullying is usually not a one-off - it is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated over time
• Bullying involves behaviour that can cause harm - it is not a normal part of growing up.

The bullying free NZ website also has an excellent flyer for parents which can be downloaded from the attached link.
https://www.bullyingfree.nz/assets/Uploads/Tackling-Bullying-A-guide-for-parents-and-whanau.pdf
If your child comes home from school and talks about either a bullying incident they have seen or themselves experienced the first action should always be to provide empathy and understanding.  Once you have assured your child that their emotions and feelings are important and valid it’s helpful to clarify what the incident involved. Did the incident your child is talking about meet the definitions provided above?  You could talk through each criterion and consider an alternative explanation if there is one.

​Young people are learning the skills of managing increasingly complex social interactions and it is easy for them to become unsure or confused about how to proceed.  Being clear about the behaviours your child is experiencing at school is the best way to begin to create solutions for managing them.